Maybe you were a huge slut in your 20s, or maybe your partner engaged in group sex parties without telling you, or maybe you enjoyed putting on your best friend’s mom’s lipstick because she’s a total MILF.
No matter how you got herpes, it is here to stay. And, if it already hasn’t punished you enough, someday it might even attack your brain and kill you. That’s when it goes from your run-of-the-mill blistery itchy herpes to full-out I-wanna-eat-your-brain herpes.
So I’d like to share with you briefly my close encounter with herpes encephalitis. For about a 3 week period both my face and neck were numb. At the same time, I was dizzy, tired all the time, headache, trouble thinking clearly, pressure in my ears, and thought that I could pass out at any moment.
In addition, I had a cold sore on the inside of my mouth, evidence of a herpes outbreak.
I had never experienced this whole numb face and neck symptoms, so I proceeded to Google “herpes symptoms.” I then went down that rabbit hole, saw other users on the internet experience similar symptoms and they thought they might be dying.
And I thought to myself – dying from herpes? Don’t be so dramatic. Jeez.
But then I came across a disease called Herpes Encephalitis – which basically explains how you can die from Herpes.
Aw man. I had just finished chemotherapy, now I’m dying from Herpes. What’s next? AIDS?
Dizzy and falling asleep, I went to go see the doctor. I could see that he was basically trying to hold back his laughter. I thought to myself, “I’m glad my brain disease and death amuses you, doctor.” I was so angry, I wanted to hold him down and fart right into his mouth – a big wet one.
But due to my brain-eating symptoms, I found it difficult to muster up the energy to do that. So instead I just looked at him all sleepy and cross-eyed, imagining that I was carrying out my fart-filled fantasy.
Then he said, “Listen, I’ll order up some blood tests for ya, but I gotta go.”
“But what do you think I have?”
“Probably just stress.” And he walked out the door – “good luck to ya man.”
Stress huh. Huh stress. Stress. Hmmmm. Maybe it was stress? I did just write 5 university exams, and have been drinking 4 cups of coffee a day and had difficultly sleeping.
After holding off on the coffee and getting a couple nights of solid sleep, I was fine.
So in conclusion – I somehow spontaneously recovered from my herpes brain eating disease. I can’t explain it.
The person writing this article is a living, breathing, slightly overweight miracle.